If you’re anything like me, I had my fair share of dating. I know you may all be thinking, you still have some growing up to do. You have a lot to learn about dating. You’re only 23! You are correct when you say that I have plenty to learn, but I had my fair share of dating, and I think I am allowed to give some advise on it.
At 23 years old, I must say that I have developed a pretty solid list for some “Do’s and Don’t tolerate dating tips”. I know that things will change in my life and I have a lot to learn about the world around me. However, I have learned over the years to date with a purpose. No one likes their time to be wasted! I know you might say, it’s never a waste of time to date someone or be committed to someone, because you develop what you don’t want in a guy. I will have to disagree with you on that one. You can tell a lot about a persons motives within a few weeks or months of knowing them.
If you ask, God will show you numerous of signs to not invest your time into someone. We as women just choose to look the other way, because we see what our men can become. I’ll give you an example. I dated this one guy and he was very sweet. He always complemented me on my appearance. My parents even loved him! I had decided to be celibate prior till dating him, and I told him that I was celibate and the reasons for me being celibate. He convinced me that he was okay with my decision and that there was no pressure.
It was right before my birthday, he decided that he did not want to be celibate and that if I did not partake in sexual relations with him, he would have to end things. Well, no surprise there, we ended things. I was heart broken and after a few weeks went by and I decided to go back on my commitment that I made to myself. Fast forward time, we’re no longer together, and I felt ashamed of myself. I vowed on that day to never settle for less than what I deserve. God showed me the signs in the beginning to walk away, but I thought I could convenience him I was worth the wait.
I know I got a tad bit personal there, but I just wanted to share that with you guys before I went into my list. Whenever you’re dating someone, remember these 5 golden rules
1. DO NOT LOWER YOUR STANDARDS & DO NOT THINK THEY ARE TOO HIGH!!!
I cannot count how many times a guy told me that my standards were too high, and that I was going to be single FOREVER! I’m not sorry, that I respect my body and myself enough not to give myself to every guy that comes across my path. I’m not sorry that I like to go out on dates and have meaningful conversations about what’s going in the world. I’m not sorry that I believe in God and that I want the man I am with to have a relationship (or working towards one) with him as well. I’m not sorry that I require the guy I am dating to be productive with his life (I mean if I am out here working, I expect for you to do the same). I have come to the conclusion that my standards are not too high, that guy is just not the one for me.
2. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DISCLOUSE YOUR SEX LIFE
When I was dating in the past (I am involved in a committed relationship now) I had plenty of guys ask me about how many people I have been involved with, and if I was a virgin. I used to feel obligated to share that information with them, because when I date someone I plan on being with them. Looking back at everything, the guys that asked me that just wanted to have sexual relations with me. When they realized that we were not going to have sex, they left. If a guy is really interested in you, he would not pressure you or make you feel obligated to share that kind of information with him on your first couple of dates. That is a clear indication (in my opinion) that he just wants sex.
3. LEARN TO DATE
Dating is a time where you can figure out what you like and what you don’t like. You don’t always have to get serious with the person. If it leads to a relationship, then that’s great. However, do not force it. Also, when you are dating, just date. Do not give away all that you are to someone who is only offering you half of them. They call it the honeymoon phase (first 6 months), that’s when you can determine if you’ll be able to truly tolerate them or not. Basically, in this phase you’re both extremely nice to one another, and you’re not 100% your true self.
4. LOVE YOURSELF
Loving yourself is the best thing you can do in this life. When you truly love yourself you will not tolerate any BS.
5. DATE WITH A PURPOSE
You should always date with a purpose. That does not mean that every person you date will be your boy friend or future husband. That means learn to put guys into separate categories. You can have your strictly male friends in one, your just dating guy in one, and this is who I want to potentially build with in another. The guy that you want to build with, make sure he meets all of your qualifications for the man you would like to marry one day. Create a check list and see how many categories he fits in. Bring up the future plans (does he intend on saving, how many kids does he want, does he want to get married, does he want to travel, etc.). Trust me, by having these conversations you can determine if this is the person you want to be with.
These are just something’s I believe are important for people to know when dating. I’m not a relationship coach or anything. Although, I have taken a few interpersonal communication classes in college, I feel that people should date with a purposes. I honestly believe it will save a lot of heartaches and wasted time. If we learn to pay attention to all of the signs, we can walk away from the toxic relationship early on, rather than later. I have learned a lot to be the age that I am, and I do not believe there is anything wrong with dating to allow you future husband to stumble across your path.
Please like and give me feedback on what you think below!