This was something I wrote a while ago, but I did not know what to do with it. I decided to share with you guys!
Let me know what you think 🙂
I was born in 1993 on March 23. As I look back over my life, I realized I was a victim to race shaming within my own country. I was born and raised in America, but I do not consider myself an American. In my eyes, an America is someone who is white, or who closely resembles a white person. All 23 years of living, I have been compared to other women and picked apart by society. Society (America) has told me that being brown skinned with course hair is not attractive. You have to be slim with a flat stomach, you have to be educated, but too educated because, you don’t want to scare of the male population with your standards. Don’t become pregnant at a young age, because you do not want to become another statics. Do not speak up about your problems or what hurts your feelings, because that is a sign of weakness.
I was teased in high school for having a big nose. People use to call me a monkey. I never knew that black folks were called monkeys back in the day, and that it was actually a racial term that was used. I was called fat, overweight, and that I was not pretty. I started using violence as way to protect myself from the words my peers used. The worst part is that majority of the racial and hateful words I was hearing was coming from the people that looked like me. At 23, I had more people who look like me talk about me. I have come across some racists white people in my life, but majority of the racial language and hurtful things has come from the people who look like me. I cannot help but wonder why that is?
I personally blame America! It was America who enslaved my people and pined us against one another. It was America who beat and enforced that being any other color other than white or the closest thing to it is unattractive. It was America who allowed people to run a country with full of hate. It was America who allowed people to kill, rape, and beat people they didn’t understand. It was America who failed black people, and who did not apologize for the hardship they put myself and my people through.
However, I do not blame America for the racial slurs blacks use on one another. At some point in everyone’s life, they have to stop playing the victim. You have to allow the healing process take place and learn to forgive. We cannot as people blame every white person for what their ancestors did to ours. Not every white person is a racist, just not like every black person is a racist. Being brown in America has taught me that nothing in life is going to be handed to you. You have to work hard for the life and for the things you want. Being brown in America has taught me that the people who look like you would rather see you fail, than to see you succeed in life. I’m not sure if it is because of the Willy Lynch law that was installed years ago when slavery was around, is the reason why black people cannot get along. Or if it is fear that someone may make something of themselves.
Being brown in America has taught me to build your own and stop wanting something that was never designed for you to have. I often wonder if my people and other races will ever come together and fully love one another? I can only dream of a world where color didn’t matter, but how hard someone worked or the character of an individual is what mattered. Being brown in America has taught me that the only way to be truly free is to build your own and to accept the way God created you.
Now, do not misunderstand what I am saying. I will never (out loud anyway) say that I hate my country. I do not hate America; I just do not like what America stands for. I never understood how a county could say that we are all equals, when in reality that is not the case. In all honesty, I would not trade anything I have been through or the words that have been said to me. All of the hateful words has made me a stronger woman, and now I walk with my head held high. I no longer hold my tongue in class or at work, because I’m afraid I’ll say something stupid. America has molded me into being happy with the color of my skin and the person I am becoming. I know I have a lot of more growing to do, and I am ready for what the world has for me.
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