Just Live Ya Life

Life has a way of making us freak out over things that are outside of our control. I know I am guilty of over stressing about things in my life that are completely out of my control. I have recently discovered that by me behaving this way, I am basically telling God that I do not believe his word. I know for one, that is not the kind of message I want to give off to God.

Recently at work, I did not perform as high as I normally would. Given, the entire time I have been working for this company I have always been one of the top 3 performers. So you can imagine to my surprise when this month ended, that I did not meet the teams performance goal.

No one, and I mean no one is as hard on me as I am on myself. I work very hard in everything that I do and I excel at everything I set my mind to. To not meet the team performance metric I was devastated! I started becoming highly upset about the situation, and I started questioning everything I did after college. I allowed the negative thoughts to invade my mind and to cause me to become upset about something that was outside of my control.

When I finally took time to calm down, I realized sometimes you just have bad months. If I can honestly say I did my best, then that is all that matters.

We have to learn to just live our lives and not let the small things get in the way of our happiness. 

Life is going to happen whether or not you are ready for it. It’s not so much about what happens in life, it is more about how we respond to what has happened in our lives.

I could of had easily let last month impact my performance for this month, but I decided to let it go and move forward. When we let God be in control of our lives, we tend to have a better mindset and response for when things do not go as we had planed. The reason is because we know God is always in control and nothing is impossible for him!

We only get one life to live and I don’t want you all to live it worrying about things that are outside of your control. Just take life and its obstacles by the horns and roll with the punches.

You will and can get through it!

As long as you are doing your best and not doing any harm to anyone else… just remember to life ya life!

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Online Dating

Yes, you read the headline correctly.

I am going to be honest here, I was against online dating for all of my life until recently. I always valued meeting someone face to face and getting to know them. I figured you can weed of the crazies faster.

Wrong!

Yes I still like to meet people face to face, but lets be honest here. With this shift to everything being on the internet and peoples busy schedule, dating in this world is impossible!

I  believe people actually would like to date online, but are afraid of all of the misconceptions about it. You know what your friends and family tell you. It’s crazy people on the internet, how do you know if that is a real person? That’s just desperation….blah…blah…blah.

My favorite response to all of that is, “Don’t knock it until you have tried it”. “You can meet crazy people in person just as much as you can online”. “You have to date smart online and off line”. “That does not make me desperate, because I am exploring my options”. 

So, I decided to let you guys know a few benefits of online dating! 

  1. Online dating gives you a boost of self confidence! Think about it. When you find the right dating website (I’ll make another post and reviews about which ones to use), you will quickly see how many men are interested in you and who thinks your beautiful. You will quickly develop this mindset of why stress over one person when there is 1,000 men waiting to spend time with you.
  2. You’re in control of who you want to go out with, and who you don’t want to go out with. You can scroll through peoples profiles and pictures to decide if you both would have something in common. I like to read about what people like and don’t like. Their beliefs, hobbies, education status, etc. That helps me to know if this person would possibly be a good match for me or not. It makes me feel like I am in control of the situation, and I don’t have to be in a rush to make a decision on if I might possibly like this guy. Basically, he is waiting on me to choose him.
  3. The crazies revels themselves very quickly! We have this thing about saving face. Which means we are not our true selves when we meet people for the first few times. Often times when we meet someone in person we think that they would be a good fit for us. However, within 90 days, we quickly realize they had way more problems then what they had led you to believe. When it comes to online dating, people tend to tell everything about themselves. You notice how someone types, the things they talk, about, and how they say things very quickly if they would be a good match for you.
  4. Online dating provides you with options. Unless you have absolutely nothing to do (work or school), you may have the time to go out in the world and meet (date) multiple people. However, the average person does not have that much free time. When we have options, it helps us be more cautious to giving our all to someone who is undeserving.  When you have options, you become selfish with you and you become selective with who you become in a committed relationship with.
  5. You can immediately delete someone from your life if the date goes bad! When you are dating online you don’t have to provide someone with your number right away if you don’t want to. You can simply tell them that you are not ready to give that to them and you hope they understand (it works too). You both would just pick a location and meet up there. If the date goes bad, they have this special feature called “block”.  You can stop all communication with this person and move on with your life.

All in all, I am for both kinds of dating. Whether it is in person or online, you still have to be careful with who you date. Online dating just gives you another way to meet that special someone!

I am going to have more posts about which website to use and how to date online safely. If this is something you would want to know more about, make sure you subscribe and follow my Blog for updates!

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Celibacy

I have been debating for sometime now if I should write about celibacy. I am not one to advise or to manipulate someone to choose celibacy because, God calls for us to save ourselves for marriage.  However, I figured I would share a part of myself with you all today.

First, celibacy means:

  1. abstention from sexual relations.  
  2. abstention by vow from marriage.
  3. the state of being unmarried.

Before deciding to practice celibacy, you should determine why you are doing so. I know for me, one of the reasons why I decided to become celibate was because of my spiritual beliefs. If that is your only reason for why you have decided to become celibate, that is great!

I remember reading the “Wait”, by Devon Franklin and Megan Good (great book by the way), and when I fist purchased the book, I was not serious at the time about practicing a celibate lifestyle. I knew I wanted to, but doubted that I had the strength to.

It was after I had reached a dark place in my life and after having a failed relationship, that I made my mind up about becoming celibate. I no longer wanted to give a part of myself to someone who was not deserving of all that I had to offer. I no longer wanted to feel empty when I finished sharing my most treasured possession with someone. I no longer wanted to feel unconnected with God. I wanted to have the best God had for me. I wanted to do right by God…by myself…by my body. I no longer just wanted relations with someone, but I wanted a deeper level of commitment…a bond between man and wife…a bond where we choose to dedicate our lives and love to one another.

I decided to read the entire book.

I decided to pray.

I decided to stop making excuses.

I made up my mind.

I became celibate for me.

Yes, I am following God’s plan for us to save ourselves for marriage. However, that was not the only reason why I decided to take on this journey. Practicing celibacy has helped with so many other areas in my life. I actually have been learning to date without the pressure of it eventually leading to sex or denying them for that matter. I have develop a sense for guys who are  just after one thing. I have developed a sense of my worth and what I will and can bring to the table when I am in a committed relationship that is not based on sex (I am in a relationship by the way, but that is a story for another time).

Deciding to become celibate was the best decision I have made in a very long time.

Is it easy? No. I would be lying if I said it was a walk in the park. However, with a made up mind and the strength from God, I am able to do it. I am able to express myself to my boyfriend in other ways than sex. I am able to understand if what I am feeling for him is real or if it is fake. I am allowing myself to actually get to know who he is as an individual. 

Being celibate is a great thing to practice, in my opinion anyway.

I have vowed celibacy until my wedding day and I am okay with that. Others may tease you or say that being in a relationship with someone without sex is crazy. Well, that is there opinion, and you can tell them that with them having sex in all of their failed relationships, where has that gotten them? And how has that impacted their life?  It’s not for others to understand why you are embarking on this journey. It for you to understand why you are going down this path.

Always remember to pray for strength and remember why you started. It gets easier with time.

***Spoiler Alert! I will have more post about this, so let me know what you want to talk about or the challenges you face, or just your opinions about celibacy in general.

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Is He Right For You?

I know we have all questioned if the man we were interested in or currently with is right for us.

I know I have done so in the past and I have caused myself many headaches trying to figure it all out.

However, don’t stress yourselves out. I have a learned a few things in my lifetime and I have a check list for you to go over.

If this special person gets all the check marks, then he may just be right for you!

Check List Below:

Does he compliment you?

Does he respect your beliefs?

Does he try to change you?

Is he a good listener?

Is he faithful?

Is he ambitious?

Is he a Doer or Dreamer?

Does he take an interest in your hobbies or what you want to do with your life?

Is he a comforter?

Is he supportive? 

Is he dependable?

Is he responsible?

Does he make you happy. Like really happy?

Does he pray for you?

Does he motivate you?

Does he accept all of your flaws and you as a person?

Does he share the same common end relationship goal as you?

These are just a few that I thought were very important to look at. Every woman is different and wants different things.

I was reading this one book and the author advised for all women to make a list of the things they wanted and did not want in a man.

I strongly encourage you to do so. Don’t let other people tell you that by doing that, you’re being superficial.

Because you’re not.

You are writing down the qualities and characteristics you want your future boyfriend and or husband to have.

It is nothing wrong with that.

It helps you to visualize what you want and don’t want. In all honesty, you tend to notice very quickly if someone does not meet the traits of what you want.

Let me know how you determine if someone is right for you or not!

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Time Heals All Wounds

As you may know, I’m single.

That actually isn’t so bad when I write it out. Although, it took me a while to get to this point.

I was in a relationship for about six months (a short time, I know). I actually dated this guy when I was in high school and we broke up my first year in college. I believed God brought us back together to be together.

In reality, he brought us back together for me to finally close the door.

This guy was my first true love! When we broke up the first time, it was very difficult to get over him. Now, I am finding it is just as hard to do fours years later.

Everything was going great (I thought so anyway).

We were engaged and we were planning our lives together. I thought this would be the last relationship I would be in. To my surprise he wanted out. He no longer felt or came to the realization he was not ready for a relationship. As you can imagine, my heart shattered into million of pieces.

I questioned everything about myself. Did I do something wrong? Did I not do enough? You name it, I thought it. I even brought myself low enough to try to convenience him that we could be together and to not leave me.

I ignored the signs from God. I ignored the signs from within. I just did not want to feel like a failure and to have yet another failed relationship. I refused to accept that he no longer wanted to be with me. I CRIED FOR DAYS…HOURS EVEN.

In the midst of this, I decided to not speak to anyone and took my anger out on the people who care about me the most.

It was not until probably about a few weeks ago, I decided enough was enough! I no longer wanted to cry over someone who did not care enough to reach out to me. I no longer wanted to cry over someone who did not deserve me. I no longer wanted to cry over someone who fed me a false image of a life together that would never happen.

I discovered myself during this break up!

I discovered that I was indeed settling with this relationship, and it would’ve been a mistake if we would’ve gotten married. He is not and was never the guy God had intended for me to end up with.

I’m sharing this with you because, we too many times ignore the signs God is telling and showing us about someone. We see the potential someone can be and we refuse to accept the reality of what they are showing us daily. Just because someone has potential to become the husband you want, does not mean they will. Just because they have potential to be the man you want, does not mean they will become that.

It’s just that, potential.

I had to learn to accept that he was not and will not be the man I will spend my life with. Yes, we share some of the same visons and dreams. However, the way someone speaks to you and handle themselves says a lot about their character.

This breakup showed me that I don’t need a man to complete me. I am already complete within God. This breakup showed me to never settle for less than what I deserve. This breakup showed me to love myself more than any man and it’s okay to let go.

Breaking up with someone is a tough thing to go through. However, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Always remember time heals all wounds!

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Motivational Monday (Confidence)

C.O.N.F.I.D.E.N.C.E, CONFIDENCE!

The dictionary meaning is the belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance. My definition is, believing what God has said about you and to not let anyone still your happiness. 

Having confidence is when you are able to look yourself in the mirror and to be happy with the way God created you! Whether it is having more hips, or booty, long or short hair, being black or white, or having more to love in your mid section. When you’re able to look yourself in the mirror and not care what anyone else has to say, that is when you have reached the true level of confidence my friend!

Confidence is something I struggled with for years, and at times I still do. I know that I am a beautiful person inside and outside, but for some odd reason I cannot shake the comments of the world around me! I have been doing some soul searching lately. I have been reading my bible and praying for guidance and direction. 

God has been revealing to me what he has put deep down inside of me all along. I am beautiful just the way he has created me! I am more than enough and I do not need anyone else approval to be okay with the woman I am and the woman I am becoming!

When God created me, he did not make any mistakes! I have come to love being black (despite society telling me otherwise). I have come to love my curves and my kinky hair! I love the woman I am today, and I will love who I am until the day that I am called home.

I know confidence is something a lot of people  struggle with in today’s society. I believe that is partly because, society tells us that we are not good enough. Society tells us that we should spend countless money to obtain a false look of what we see on television. Society has given us their definition of beauty!

I am here to tell society to KICK ROCKS! I want you to know that you are beautiful the way that God made you. If you want to lose weight, do it for you! Not because someone else told you to. If you want to rock your natural hair, go for it! God did not make any mistakes when he made you. Start holding your head high and walking like you’re somebody! Because the truth of the matter is, YOU ARE SOMEBODY!

You’re beautiful just the way you are my friend.

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Date with a purpose!

If you’re anything like me, I had my fair share of dating. I know you may all be thinking, you still have some growing up to do. You have a lot to learn about dating. You’re only 23! You are correct when you say that I have plenty to learn, but I had my fair share of dating, and I think I am allowed to give some advise on it.

At 23 years old, I must say that I have developed a pretty solid list for some “Do’s and Don’t tolerate dating tips”. I know that things will change in my life and I have a lot to learn about the world around me. However, I have learned over the years to date with a purpose. No one likes their time to be wasted! I know you might say, it’s never a waste of time to date someone or be committed to someone, because you develop what you don’t want in a guy.  I will have to disagree with you on that one. You can tell a lot about a persons motives within a few weeks or months of knowing them.

If you ask, God will show you numerous of signs to not invest your time into someone. We as women just choose to look the other way, because we see what our men can become. I’ll give you an example. I dated this one guy and he was very sweet. He always complemented me on my appearance. My parents even loved him! I had decided to be celibate prior till dating him, and I told him that I was celibate and the reasons for me being celibate. He convinced me that he was okay with my decision and that there was no pressure.

It was right before my birthday, he decided that he did not want to be celibate and that if I did not partake in sexual relations with him, he would have to end things. Well, no surprise there, we ended things. I was heart broken and after a few weeks went by and I decided to go back on my commitment that I made to myself. Fast forward time, we’re no longer together, and I felt ashamed of myself. I vowed on that day to never settle for less than what I deserve. God showed me the signs in the beginning to walk away, but I thought I could convenience him I was worth the wait.

I know I got a tad bit personal there, but I just wanted to share that with you guys before I went into my list. Whenever you’re dating someone, remember these 5 golden rules

1. DO NOT LOWER YOUR STANDARDS & DO NOT THINK THEY ARE TOO HIGH!!!

I cannot count how many times a guy told me that my standards were too high, and that I was going to be single FOREVER! I’m not sorry, that I respect my body and myself enough not to give myself to every guy that comes across my path. I’m not sorry that I like to go out on dates and have meaningful conversations about what’s going in the world. I’m not sorry that I believe in God and that I want the man I am with to have a relationship (or working towards one) with him as well. I’m not sorry that I require the guy I am dating to be productive with his life (I mean if I am out here working, I expect for you to do the same). I have come to the conclusion that my standards are not too high, that guy is just not the one for me.

2. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DISCLOUSE YOUR SEX LIFE

When I was dating in the past (I am involved in a committed relationship now) I had plenty of guys ask me about how many people I have been involved with, and if I was a virgin. I used to feel obligated to share that information with them, because when I date someone I plan on being with them. Looking back at everything, the guys that asked me that just wanted to have sexual relations with me. When they realized that we were not going to have sex, they left. If a guy is really interested in you, he would not pressure you or make you feel obligated to share that kind of information with him on your first couple of dates. That is a clear indication (in my opinion) that he just wants sex.

3. LEARN TO DATE

Dating is a time where you can figure out what you like and what you don’t like. You don’t always have to get serious with the person. If it leads to a relationship, then that’s great. However, do not force it. Also, when you are dating, just date. Do not give away all that you are to someone who is only offering you half of them. They call it the honeymoon phase (first 6 months), that’s when you can determine if you’ll be able to truly tolerate them or not. Basically, in this phase you’re both extremely nice to one another, and you’re not 100% your true self.

4. LOVE YOURSELF

Loving yourself is the best thing you can do in this life. When you truly love yourself you will not tolerate any BS.

5. DATE WITH A PURPOSE

You should always date with a purpose. That does not mean that every person you date will be your boy friend or future husband. That means learn to put guys into separate categories. You can have your strictly male friends in one, your just dating guy in one, and this is who I want to potentially build with in another. The guy that you want to build with, make sure he meets all of your qualifications for the man you would like to marry one day. Create a check list  and see how many categories he fits in. Bring up the future plans (does he intend on saving, how many kids does he want, does he want to get married, does he want to travel, etc.). Trust me, by having these conversations you can determine if this is the person you want to be with.

These are just something’s I believe are important for people to know when dating. I’m not a relationship coach or anything. Although, I have taken a few interpersonal communication classes in college, I feel that people should date with a purposes. I honestly believe it will save a lot of heartaches and wasted time. If we learn to pay attention to all of the signs, we can walk away from the toxic relationship early on, rather than later. I have learned a lot to be the age that I am, and I do not believe there is anything wrong with dating to allow you future husband to stumble across your path.

Please like and give me feedback on what you think below!

Women Respect Your Temple

If you’re not familiar with the word temple, temple is meant to reference your body. Your body is one of the most precious things you can and should protect. I’m not quite sure when “twerking” became a trend, maybe it was when Miley Cyrus started twerking at one of those awards a while back. Now every time I go onto social media, all I see is women twerking or revealing their most secret treasures to the world.  

I often hear women say:

Why don’t I have a man”?

“All men are dogs”.

“All they want is sex”!

Truth be told, not all men are “dogs” or just want sex. (I have five brothers, I feel like I’ve earned some say so on what men like and how they typically think).

Posting images like these:

It’s okay to love your body, but why degrade yourself to just your assets?


We all have one favorite body feature, but why does the entire world need to see it?


You’re more than just a peace

of meat.It’s no wonder why people believe there are no good men out there. As much as I hate to admit it,  men are not stupid. Men know when how to approach women, and they know which ones they have to approach with respect. If you’re constantly posting images with your most secret treasures showing, then how can you expect to find a good man? How can you expect for people to take you seriously?

I want every woman to know that she doesn’t have to degrade herself or show off her body just to get attention from a man. Please know that the attention you would receive from a man by posting these kinds of images, would not be the kind of attention you want. Who enjoys being called out of there name? Who enjoys being called a hoe or a slut? who enjoys feeling alone after the guy stops calling or messaging you in your inbox?

EVERY woman, no matter the color of their skin or their size is beautiful!

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

God loves you and wants you to respect your temple! You don’t have to take naked photos or twerk on social media to get men to like you. In all honesty, majority of men want a women who is conservative. They  don’t want a woman who shows her naked behind on the internet. If you take a moment to think about it, if you truly respect and love yourself, then why would you need to prove to anybody that you’re worth their time by showing your boobs or booty? If a man really wants you, all you would have to actually do is show you’re interested by the conversations you have.

I want you to know you’re more than the body parts you have, and it’s time to start showing the world that you have more to offer. It’s time people start respecting their temples. You don’t have to be naked to be liked. Just try having a conversation and getting to know someone for a change.

I want you to look yourself in the mirror and speak these words.

I am beautiful. I AM DROP DEAD GORGEOUS! GOD DIDN’T MAKE ANY MISTAKES WHEN HE MADE ME THIS WAY! I LOVE ME , GOD LOVES ME, AND THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS!